Tale As Old As Time

Sunday morning started out pretty well, Elsie and I got up with plenty of time to get to church.  Joey is on staff at our church and is out the door bright and early for worship soundcheck, so I get ready solo. In the past the biggest issue this caused was me having to find someone to finish zipping me up once I got to church, but things are a little more complicated with a baby.   I fed and got her cleaned and dressed before moving onto myself.  That’s when things got a little tricky….before I could even get my teeth brushed it was clear that I wasn’t going to get ready with two hands; uncharacteristically for the time of day and considering she had a full belly and clean diaper, little girl was irate.  Cradling her with my left arm, I bounced and swayed a crying, squirming baby through the minimal amount of make up I wanted to wear. Putting mascara on while moving is a real skill, my friends.  What is your deal, Els? I wondered, as I finally got her into the carseat before getting my own church clothes on and heading out the door.

When we got to church, she was calmed down to her usual self.  I gathered the multitude of things we now take everywhere and headed in the building. We were a few minutes early (be impressed) so I headed to the bathroom to change her diaper since I was pretty sure the fussy spell was caused by the makings of a number 2.  I scooped her out of her carseat carrier and thought, geez, she feels damp.  Did she get hot that quickly in the car? That’s when things started to unravel a little.

As I laid her on the changing table, I realized her whole lower half was wet, and not from a sweat.  A growing stain on her right side told me the cute outfit she was wearing wouldn’t make it into the sanctuary with us.  As I undressed her, it became more and more clear this was a real “mercy mercy” situation on our hands.  It took half a pack of wipes.  The diaper hadn’t gotten shifted around or put on too loose, simply put it was a “my cup overfloweth” scenario.  That diaper never even stood a chance.  I broke out in a sweat halfway through.  Finally, with a fresh set of clothes on and the original outfit in a ziplock bag, we made it into the sanctuary where she peacefully slept in mine or Joey’s arms the whole service. Tale as old as time, because every single mom reading this is nodding her head remembering a similar moment in her own life.

And really, that pretty much sums up the last 5 weeks.  It feels like the longest and fastest 5 weeks I’ve ever lived for sure!  A lot of trial and error, surprise endings, rerouting plans to get through the day, and learning to laugh at the end of it all.  In many ways, it has been everything I expected it to be.  But all the things I expected have been far more intense than I imagined they could be.

The battle mentally has been tough. I would like to say I handled every bump in the road like a champ.  But that would be a lie. I have second guessed choices, her behavior, my thoughts/feelings…everything.  Rather than really feeling depressed, I simply felt anxious about everything – whether it was warranted or not. There were lots of tears on my part. Anything I knew as a former pediatric nurse went out the window.  Jaundice?? My brain wants to tell me this is not a big deal, BUT OH MY WORD WHATS WRONG WITH MY PRECIOUS LITTLE BABY.  Fortunately, I feel more like myself with each passing week, which my patient husband is probably highly grateful for.

On the flip side, never have I felt such deep delight and love for someone I just met.  She bats her perfectly curled little lashes and my heart threatens to burst. Never would I have thought I could be so pleased with someone for achieving the desired color of poop.  I mean, if that doesn’t show you’re Harvard bound, what does really? I take walks with her in a carrier on my chest, and she snuggles down and falls asleep every time.

Watching Els grow and change has been so fun. In the past two weeks she has started turning her head to find my voice and then breaks out into a smile fairly often.  Simply put, its the best thing ever. When we talk to her, she will make a few noises and look as if she’s trying so very hard to be a part of the conversation.  She now really tracks with her eyes and I can see her taking in the world around her more and more each day. She fights naps most of the day, but does pretty well at night, waking twice to eat and *usually* going back to sleep quickly. She has opinions already – she lets you know if she’s too hot, too tired, too hungry, etc. if she’s especially irritated, taking her outside calms her down almost instantly. This warms my heart, because when I am most stressed or need space to think, outside is where I go. I wonder if all the walks I took in our neighborhood or the nearby park while pregnant set her up to feel this way? 

For all her advancements socially, however, she’s a relaxer.  She’s a pretty lazy eater, taking her sweet time to make a meal.  When held upright on your shoulder, after a few minutes she will typically start to lean her body to one side in an attempt to get herself back into a lying position in your arms.  Tummy time is not her favorite.  Dear Els, your lack of work ethic is frightening. She enjoys a good warm bath, but despises being dried off and lotioned up after.  Despite having a practically limitless closet full of adorable clothes, she’s not a fan of having any of them put on. Fortunately, she doesn’t mind wearing bows though and girl can rock them! See photo overload as below. 
Everyone told me it would be hard, and I believed them. But now I really, really believe them. It’s hard to want to care for someone so well and feel like you’re flying by the seat of your pants, on very little sleep. It’s staggering to love someone so much.  It’s overwhelming to realize how much has been entrusted to you with this tiny life. 
But it’s more than worth it. 
To my currently pregnant friends, just you wait. Your best days are ahead. 

Fancy photos by Wonderly Photography!